Blue Fish in Sheeps Clothing

I’m writing this from a pretty nice hotel room, considering that its a hotel hosting a swinger party.  Jennifer and I had planned on finally visiting our old hang out tonight, we were so excited to attend the party.  The theme is White Trash Party, to which on of my friends said, “So, its a come as you are” party, taking a. Jab at us Ok’lahomans.. Anyway, Jennifer has been having some health things from time to time and about four hours before the party she felt them coming on.  Its not like I havent been to a lifestyle party by myself before.  I have attended by myself twice before.

So, I wrote the owner and contacted my friends to let them know that “if its okay, I would still like to come”.  Jennifer was happy I was going to go because she was just going to go to sleep and this way she does not have to worry about feeling guilty.

So here I am .. I bluefish.  In Oklahoma and surrounding areas we refer to single males as bluefish.  I have NO idea where that term came from and I had assumed early on in our partying ways that everyone referred to it as this.

I’ll tell ya, I dont know if every bluefish feels this way before a party but I am high anxiety.  I have SO many tools in my tool box to fight this but I am SO nervous.  Mostly, I just dont want to make others feel like I am imposing.  But, I have to say that there are some ladies that I would love to get to play with.  So, its a feeling like am trying to tell myself that I am not going to have any expectations.. But that is so hard because a part of me is hoping for good things.  Heck, right now I just dont want to be ignored by the groups in the party I know will be there.

So, digging into my counselor toolbox.. here are some wrenches I’ll be throwing at this:

  1.  The first thing I would ask is “What would you tell a client in this situation?”  Well, I would ask him what is the worse thing that could happen?  Well, people might ignore me.  I might want to play with certain ladies and yet not try because of feeling out of place without my wife.  “So, if that happens what will you do?”  Well, I guess I’ll just keep my calm and understand that sometimes people dont want to play when you arent with your wife.  And as far as people ignoring me, I doubt that will happen.  There are a LOT of friends in there.  Not just swinger friends but people I would call FRIENDS.  “Well then, now that you have a plan for the worse, there is nothing to worry about.  Right?”

2.  Another great solution for combating this stress is to fight back the negative self talk.  When we are facing the unexpected we often remind ourselves of all the bad things.  What if I am too fat?  What if people think I am ugly?  What if I act stupid?  But really, what are the percentages those things, or others, will happen.  So, if we change our self talk and say.. My friends love me.  I am a good looking, sweet guy and there is no reason for people to ignore me.  When I leave this place, I still get to go back to the most amazing woman in the world.

3.  Lastly, breathe.  We call them deep belly breaths and if you want to know the RIGHT way to do them lay down on your back.  Take 4 or 5 seconds to breathe in through your nose and watch your belly rise.  If it doesn’t, you arent doing it right.  Then take 5 or 6 seconds to breathe out through your mouth.  Breathing REALLY helps to settle the nerves.

Finally, of course you know I am drinking a few rum and diet cokes.. But lets not overdue it.. OK?  😀  If you have any thoughts, please share them with us using the form below!

Jim

One comment

  1. Be present. The breathing thing is great for that, and I have another suggestion. When talking to someone, focus on the space between the words or between sentences. This is a technique taught by Eckhart Tolle. It will help you to relax by getting out of your head. Bonus: Even if you are not listening to what someone is saying, they will perceive you as being completely engaged.

    PS We are very happy to hear of your intended return to podcasting. We missed you guys!

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